


The Mechanicals

by whalehuntingboyfriends



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: king AU, minecraft au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 08:34:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10760592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whalehuntingboyfriends/pseuds/whalehuntingboyfriends
Summary: (Sequel toThe Visit)When Ryan came to visit Geoff’s court, he never expected Gavin would be the one to see beneath his surface. Now he’s the one left with unanswered questions - like who Gavin really is, and where he’s come from, and why a simple fool is covered in scars and can kill a man from a distance with a longbow.This time it’s Gavin’s turn to visit - and Ryan’s turn to look behind his walls.(Prompt:3 times Gavin shared something with Ryan and 1 time Ryan shared something with him.)





	The Mechanicals

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Visit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4698350) by [whalehuntingboyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whalehuntingboyfriends/pseuds/whalehuntingboyfriends). 



> For armadil-lauren - thank you so much for your generosity and support! :)

**1.**

“Well, that was fun,” Gavin said.

He declared it so matter-of-factly that Ryan had to burst out laughing. He rolled over where he had been lying in bed, turning to look at Gavin. The jester was sprawled next to him, one arm flung up behind his head, his green eyes glinting cheerfully and crinkled at the corners where he grinned at Ryan.

Ryan smiled back. His heart was pounding madly, and he couldn’t stop it. It was late afternoon, and in the golden light streaming through the window, Gavin looked beautiful. Ryan rarely let anyone else into his room, but it was nice now, to see where he’d rumpled and messed up the sheets. Nice to have someone else exclaim over the books on his desk and comment on the diagrams he’d drawn up for new experiments, nice for the bed not to be _empty_ for once.

“Fun?” he drawled. “I’m flattered.”

“What, you got a better word for it?”  
  
“Intense,” Ryan offered, and reached out, poking Gavin playfully on the nose. “ _Bendy_.”

Gavin stuck his tongue out.

“And you love it,” he said.

“I do,” Ryan replied - perhaps a bit too quietly, fighting a blush at the memory of Gavin, back arching against the sheets like a cat - Gavin who was more flexible than any ordinary human had a right to be, whose very touch sent a thrill through Ryan.

Gavin laughed again at the look on his face. He kissed his fingers then reached out and touched Ryan on the face before sitting up a bit, twisting to push back the curtains and look out of the window by the bed. Ryan could only stare at him, still processing just how they’d gotten here.

He’d missed Gavin, after returning to his own kingdom from his visit to Geoff’s. His encounters with the strange fool had been one of the few times that someone had seen below the surface of whispers and rumours that kept most of his own kingdom in fear of him. That someone hadn’t judged him as the ‘Mad King’ who terrorised his subjects with dark magic, who held abilities beyond any ordinary human and would use them against anyone who questioned his authority.

No, Gavin - Gavin with his easy ability to make Ryan laugh, his curious closeness with King Geoff, his _trust_ for Ryan - Gavin who’d risked his own life to save him when someone tried to assassinate him - Gavin had _listened_ to him, had believed him when he explained how the rumours weren’t true. How he kept up the facade of the Mad King to protect himself and his subjects. Gavin, out of everyone, had _understood_.

It’d been hard to say goodbye, especially when he still had so many unanswered questions about the other man. But Gavin had sent him letters - brief, silly things, telling him funny stories about things that went on in Geoff’s kingdom - and only a month or so later, Geoff had come to Ryan’s lands for another trade meeting, and Gavin had come with him. When they saw each other Ryan was more excited than he’d ever been, and even now he was trying not to dwell too much on how his heart fluttered when the other man smiled at him, how _right_ Gavin’s warm body felt in the bed next to him. 

It was Gavin who’d approached him after their daily feasts, who’d first moved to kiss him as they sat in Ryan’s rooms late at night, talking. Since then they’d developed to here - snatching moments together when they could between Ryan’s meetings, Gavin arriving at his door at night once everyone else had retired and only the servants were about. Ryan wasn’t sure where things were going, but it had been nice to _give in_ \- and nice, for once, to be able to be open with somebody, to let his guard down and let another see himself at his most vulnerable. 

But now, as the other man gazed out the window and laughed at whatever he could see going on down in the courtyard, Ryan turned and properly got a look at his back. He frowned.

He’d noticed the scars before when Gavin took his shirt off, but in the heat of the moment he hadn’t said anything about it. Now, bathed in the sunlight, he could clearly see the scores of wounds that traced meandering paths over Gavin’s  shoulders and down his sides. The slash of a knife wound across one shoulder blade, the horrible gouges of arrows down one arm - worst of all was what looked like a dog’s bite low on his back. The wounds varied in age - all years old, by now, but some more faded than others.

They were bad ones. Ones like he’d seen on some of his most experienced soldiers, and he swallowed the lump that rose suddenly in his throat.

He’d known since he saw Gavin snatch up a bow and shoot a man like it was instinct that the other man wasn’t quite who he said he was. Why, after all, would a simple fool act like a trained warrior? Why was he so close to King Geoff? Why did he know so much about science and geography? Why, above all, was he so _secretive_ about it?

Gavin had learned about him the last time they met. Now, Ryan thought with determination, it was his own turn to find out more.

He reached out and touched Gavin’s back, tracing over the rough edges of one of the worst marks - a thick, jagged wound that coiled around his side and down towards his hip.

Gavin jumped at his touch. He whirled around and began to squirm away - then met Ryan’s gaze. His eyes widened, and he seemed to force himself to hold still. Ryan paused - but when Gavin didn’t move away he touched him again, gently.

“What happened?” he murmured. “What reason could there be for a jester to have scars like this?”

“Someone really didn’t like my jokes,” Gavin replied immediately, but there was something tight in his voice. 

“Gavin,” Ryan said, softly. “You look like you’ve been in battle. A wound like this…”

“Nearly killed me,” Gavin agreed, grimly. “So did this one.”

He shifted towards Ryan and leaned back in the bed, gesturing at another wound on his chest. Ryan hissed in sympathy - an arrow had clearly struck him, at an odd angle that protruded back through his side. The wound was deep. He was lucky it hadn’t hit him straight-on or it would have punctured at least a lung, if not his heart.

“Fucking hell, Gavin,” Ryan muttered.

Gavin’s lips pulled up in a humourless smile. He rotated his arm, showing Ryan another deep gash, and Ryan caught his arm and lifted it up to press a kiss to the scar. That seemed to relax Gavin a little; his smile was more genuine this time, and he didn’t pull away when Ryan wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tugged him close against his side, thumb rubbing gentle circles into the bare skin of his arm.

“You said you’d tell me one day,” Ryan murmured. “All your secrets. Is it one day, yet?”

Gavin huffed out a little laugh.

“There’s a lot of them,” he said. “They’re… complicated.”

“I don’t mean to push you-”

“It’s fine,” Gavin assured him, “I know you must be curious. I would be, too. Gods know most of the time I’m the nosiest bastard around!”

Ryan laughed, and after a moment Gavin did, too. He leaned his head against Ryan’s shoulder, cuddling close to his side, and Ryan waited patiently in the silence that fell. He almost didn’t dare move, like a child who’d had a butterfly land on its finger, afraid that if he did Gavin would flutter away again. Still - he relished the warm weight against his side, how they were pressed together so closely he could feel every rise and fall of Gavin’s breath, could almost imagine he could feel the pound of his heart. Somehow this close, comfortable contact felt just as intimate as anything else they’d done that afternoon.

Finally, Gavin took in a shaky breath.

“I travelled,” he began haltingly, and Ryan turned to him, listening intently. He’d heard Gavin sound serious, but never so _nervous_ as this - despite all their first interactions, when Gavin had clearly been terrified of the foreign king, quite often Ryan felt as though he was the more nervous. Like he cared too much what this little fool thought of him, while Gavin sprang happily along through life, seemingly unaware just how much of an effect he was having on Ryan. “Very, very far. Along the way… a lot of people tried to kill me. Some were just bandits - thieves and vagabonds along the roads. Others had more… specific intentions.”

Ryan nodded slowly - not quite understanding, but willing to let Gavin move at his own pace.

“I found safety in Geoff’s kingdom after a long time doing nothing but run,” Gavin added - then faltered off. Ryan waited - but apparently he was finished!  
  
“Wait, so… so where _did_ you come from?” he asked, a little confused.

Gavin bit his lip, and Ryan nudged his arm gently.

“I said I won’t push you,” he said, “And I meant it. But… it can help to talk, sometimes. About the things that make us uncomfortable. Gods know it was a relief to finally talk to _you_ about how left out I feel here in my own kingdom sometimes.”

“True,” Gavin murmured, smiling a little. “Lovely Ryan, I’m glad I know now that you’re not really scary and all.”

Ryan rolled his eyes.  
  
“I’m glad too. But I’d love to make sure _you’re_ not scary and all,” he teased, “With all your mysteries and secrets!”

“Fair enough,” Gavin said, and bit his lip. “I guess… well, you must’ve noticed from my voice that I’m not from here.”

“The accent does give it away a bit, yeah.”

“Like I said. I’m from a kingdom far across the other side of the continent. Beyond the Ford, and through the Forest of Gramarye - Lot’s kingdom.”

“I know of it, though I’ve never had cause to travel there. They are too far to trade and all we hear from them are the occasional peddlers or players.”

“Indeed,” Gavin said, and frowned. “You know about the takeover, though?”

“You mean when Lot ousted the king from his throne and took over the entire country? Yes, we heard about it here - though my father was unconcerned. He thought that sort of civil unrest didn’t involve us. The kingdom was so far away that it hardly mattered. I believe I was in my final years of schooling at the time, about to leave for university. You would’ve been…”

“In my mid-teens,” Gavin said, and huffed out a sigh. “I left the country at about the same time as all that.”

“Your family…”

“Gone, by that point.” He gave a tight, humourless smile. “Though speaking of family - you know when Lot took the throne, he didn’t just banish the old king? He stormed the palace and captured the entire family. Slaughtered the lot of them - cousins, aunts and uncles, even their personal servants. It was… it was pretty grim.”

“So I’ve heard,” Ryan said softly. He wasn’t overly familiar with the history of such a distant kingdom, but everyone had heard the bloody tale of what’d happened - gods, it must be ten years ago now, and Lot had been in power since.

Gavin chewed at his lip, falling into silence again. But Ryan could sense he had more left on his mind, and waited patiently.

“He wasn’t a bad king,” he murmured finally. “The old one, that is. He… he wasn’t _fantastic_ , but he tried to do right by his people, most of the time. He was old fashioned, that was all. A little conservative. But he didn’t deserve to die like that. None of them did.”

“Of course not,” Ryan whispered. “And from what I hear, Lot has proved himself brutal. A tyrant, nearly.”

Gavin nodded.

“You know though,” he added, abruptly, “There are rumours.”

“Rumours?”

“That one of the king’s sons escaped the slaughter. The youngest. That he slipped away with the help of the old chef and escaped through the kitchen garbage pit. Amongst all the bodies, amongst the carnage, Lot didn’t notice - at least at first. The whispers spread through the whole kingdom. _The missing prince_. Did he really die? What happened to him? Could he still be out there, somewhere?”

Perhaps automatically, Gavin’s voice had slipped into the low, melodic thrum he used for his recitations, for the epic poems and tales he told in the evenings sometimes. Ryan listened, enthralled - his heart picking up slightly.

_Missing prince… on the run…_  the distant look in Gavin’s eyes, the way his fists were clenched.

After a moment, Gavin shook himself.

“It’s silliness,” he declared. “Ten years ago - he’d’ve shown up by now.”

“I suppose he would have,” Ryan replied, slowly.

Gavin darted a glance at him.

“But anyway,” he said, and there was something almost _shy_ in his voice now. “That’s where I’m from. Lothian. Except I left right when he took over, because I didn’t much like the look of how things were going!”

Ryan nodded. Gavin fell back into silence, slumping against Ryan’s shoulder, and Ryan leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he said. “I’m glad to know where you’ve come from.”

“Here’s home, now,” Gavin replied. “With Geoff, and the others - they’re my family.”

He still hadn’t mentioned how they’d met - but they’d save that for another day, and Ryan didn’t press the matter. He looked down at Gavin again - the battlefield that was his skin, the golden sun glinting off the ends of his hair, highlighting the tip of his long nose and the edges of his jaw. A noble jaw, he couldn’t help thinking, absently. Or perhaps it was the sudden, fierce determination in Gavin’s eyes. He couldn’t tell what it was directed at - a darkness lurked in there, some ancient pain masked over with bravery and an intense perseverance. For a moment he reminded Ryan of the heroes he’d seen in picture books as a child. Elven princes off on great quests.

_What were you running from? Why so far? Who would want to hurt you?_

Still - it was a start, and he already felt closer to Gavin just at knowing the other man trusted him enough to open up to him.

“My immediate family have all passed, save some distant relatives in other cities,” he replied. “Perhaps it is awful of me, but… I can’t say I miss my father. We were never close, and… well, let’s say there was something of Lot to him, too.”

“I’m sorry,” Gavin whispered, but Ryan shook his head, smiling.

“It’s in the past. And I am becoming a king in my own right, slowly, even if for now I keep up a facade. There are others I would seek to know better, to let in - to allow to guide me in my way of ruling. Geoff,” he said, and Gavin grinned happily, glad they were getting along. “And you.”

“Me? I’m just a clown, what do I know of ruling?”

“You aren’t just a clown,” Ryan chided, and Gavin fell oddly silent again. Ryan didn’t like the way his brows furrowed, and leaned in to kiss him. That put the smile back on his face, and their serious conversation was soon forgotten when Gavin leaned in closer and trailed a hand down Ryan’s chest, smiling against his lips as he pushed him back against the pillows.  
  
“We still have some time until your next meeting. Might as well make the most of it, right…?”

 

* * *

 

Later, in the court, Ryan watched him.

His kingdom was quite different to Geoff’s. Quieter, for one, and every move you made in the halls seemed to have a silent audience, hushed crowds with their eyes trained on the king. Wary. Watching. He missed the exuberant brightness of Geoff’s court, with its sunny corridors and the faint chatter of everyone around the palace making it bright and happy. His own castle felt like a crypt in comparison.

But Gavin - here was Gavin, bringing the sunshine with him, alongside all Geoff’s visiting courtiers in their colourful robes.

He didn’t attend the meetings, of course - but as Ryan moved between entertaining guests, and sitting for hours making economic plans, and taking his guests out riding or hunting or to see the various factories and workshops in the city - he noticed Gavin at the fringes. Juggling for a group of little children by the castle gates - or doing handstands and flips in the courtyard for a crowd of watching servants. Sneaking down to the kitchens to talk to the staff.

People seemed to feel lighter this week, with Geoff here easing things a little. He seemed to spread cheer with him - Gavin being around helped too, brought some much needed levity that wasn’t usually present in the castle.

Ryan’s court frowned. At Geoff, and Gavin, at the noisy bustling politicians and experts and manservants he’d brought along with him - but Ryan, hard-faced as ever, seemed to reassure them with his cold presence. Made them think he was as much like stone as always-

Even if inside, every time he glanced at Gavin - heard his laugh echo through the stone halls, or caught a glimpse of his bright smile - he felt something inside him warm and begin to thaw.

 

* * *

 

**2.**

Ryan sat at the head of the big dining room table, chewing pensively. It was starting to become exhausting, having a public meal every night that Geoff was here. Usually he retired to his rooms to eat privately. It had not been so bad at first, when he was excited to have someone to talk with - when Geoff’s cheerful conversation brought some liveliness to the meal for once, rather than the usual situation of the grim-faced court staring at one another in awkward silence as they ate.

But today, a tension hung over the whole table - a tension that Ryan loathed.

Their meeting today had gone badly. He’d been hoping to negotiate with Geoff’s kingdom to allow a rich mine he had on the border of their lands to continue on into the other man’s territory. He’d thought it would be a simple enough arrangement, but to his surprise it had been met with violent opposition from some of Geoff’s courtiers. They couldn’t seem to reach a settlement.

Ryan wanted to be cordial, here - but at every moment he could feel the eyes of his own people on him, and knew he needed to look tough. _Ruthless,_ even - to demand his way just as his father would’ve - to get it by any means necessary. When he’d been over in Geoff’s kingdom, things had been different. Not so many people had been _watching_ him. But here, in his home court - any sign of weakness was dangerous. It was nearly ironic, that it was _away_ from home where he’d felt safer. Kinder. More able to be _human_.

Not now.

He knew that Geoff still didn’t one hundred percent trust him, even if he realised that Ryan put on a tough face for the court more than anything. He was pretty sure Gavin had told him that Ryan was to be trusted - found that he didn’t _mind_ that. Gavin trusted Geoff, so Ryan found himself trusting him too. Geoff wouldn’t use that knowledge against him. He believed it, and he didn’t usually let himself rely on blind faith.

But right now, Geoff was pissed off about how the meeting had escalated, and there was a strained silence at their end of the table. Ryan knew he wouldn’t be able to resolve things here in public like this, and he took another listless bite of his food before turning to look out at the rest of the dining hall.

He wished Gavin was up here with them.

The jester ate with the servants, usually, and sometimes not until very late at night. Right now he was performing at the other end of the room, juggling for the noblemen who, oblivious to the day’s events, sat drinking wine and laughing at the fool’s antics. Ryan felt a sudden pang, wishing that he could cast off his station and move to join them. Not have to be _regal_ for once, but watch and chuckle along with them.

Gavin threw his head back to laugh. Even from this distance Ryan saw how his teeth flashed as he grinned, how the candlelight glinted off the long line of his throat, how his nimble fingers caught the necks of the bottles he was juggling and flipped them deftly up into the air again, green light from the glass dancing over his skin.

He’d be tired tonight, Ryan thought - the shows took a lot of energy. Still - for now, he watched, focusing his attention on Gavin, irritated and tired enough that for once he didn’t care if anybody noticed him.

After dinner, he rose and made for his chambers immediately, too exhausted to linger over wine and make smalltalk with those around them. He saw Geoff depart for his room right away too, and felt a pang of regret. Hopefully after a good night’s sleep they’d return tomorrow more amiable to suggestion and compromise, and put this disagreement behind them.

He was passing through the hall, heading for the stairs to his room, when he heard a voice call out behind him.  
  
“My lord! A moment, please.”

Ryan took a deep breath and turned. Three of his least favourite politicians were hurrying towards him. One who worked closely with the army’s generals, one who was one of his father’s old chief advisors, and one who tended to negotiate on behalf of the richest merchants. All three of them snakes - corrupt, a bit ruthless, and rather immovable unless he wanted to disrupt the entire system and draw unwanted attention to himself.

_A king’s meant to have total power,_ he thought, and refrained from letting out an indignant huff. _Maybe some kings. The ones who demand it._

_For now if my people are safe and the system is stable, I can only try to change things slowly._

“What is it?” he asked, making his annoyance at being disturbed clear even if he was willing to stop and listen.

“A word,” the old advisor said. “We didn’t have a chance to talk earlier. Some suggestions for tomorrow - and how to put pressure on Ramsey.”

“Pressure,” Ryan said slowly.

“Yes.” His lips pressed together, nearly going white. “He is being _incredibly_ stubborn. But perhaps if we suggested a tightening of the border in response to his refusal, he might be swayed.”

“We should also withdraw from some of the shared projects we were proposing - like the railway line,” the merchant spoke up. “Or threaten to at least. Suggest that our kingdom work on it only to the border rather than expanding it on through his.”

“You believe threats to be the easiest path?”

“Further compromises put us at a disadvantage,” the advisor said firmly. “Hear us out.”

Ryan bit his tongue, and nodded. Oh, he heard them - heard them as they went on and on with their poison-tipped tongues, their focus on wealth, on their own gain, on themselves. The clear condescension in how they talked of Geoff - their eager desire for Ryan to move aggressively, claiming as much of the chessboard as he could for their own profit.

It went on longer than he would have liked. He stood impatiently, wanting to go to his room and make a hot drink and sit in bed to read before sleeping.

_And wait for Gavin - if he comes._

Speaking of Gavin… a flicker of movement caught his eye, and his gaze moved up over the courtiers’ shoulders. Gavin was emerging from the dining hall - quiet as a cat, his bag of props and tricks slung over one shoulder as he walked up to one of the pillars that lined the hall. He leaned against it, half-concealed in the shadows - watching. Waiting. When his eyes met Ryan’s, he gave a small smile and a little wave.

The courtiers didn’t notice, but Ryan was too aware of his presence now when he turned back to them. He knew Gavin would notice the tense line of his shoulders and the way his jaw was clenched - how he fidgeted, twisting his robe into screws, impatient for this to be done. Something about being watched, even by Gavin, made him feel uneasy in his own skin.

Finally, the men shut up. He glanced over all of them, taking in their pale eyes, the expectant judgment within them.

“I’ll take it into consideration,” was all he said, with the shortness that he knew they’d expect from the Mad King. Best to keep them wary, too. “You are dismissed.”

They bowed low, and he tried not to let his relief show as they turned to scurry off. They noticed Gavin as they passed back through the hall, and Ryan saw one of them frown. Gavin gave a sweeping player’s bow as they went by, and Ryan was glad that they barely spared him a glance. Still - the fool was astute enough to wait until they’d completely gone before approaching Ryan.

“Thank gods they fucked off,” Ryan couldn’t help muttering, relieved when he and Gavin were alone and the other man could finally come up to him.

“Hey,” Gavin said, touching his arm softly. “You okay? That looked like a bloody intense conversation.”

“Annoying people,” Ryan replied, “With annoying ideas.” He ran his hands over his face and sighed. “I’m fine. Nothing new there.”

“You look tired.”

"So do you,” Ryan pointed out - Gavin smiled wanly, but Ryan reached up and thumbed at the dark lines under the other man’s eyes. “Have you eaten?”

“Not since breakfast,” Gavin admitted. “Oops?”

“Come on. There’s food in my rooms - if you want some,” he added a touch awkwardly. Even now the tough mien of the Mad King fell away and he found himself a little flustered around Gavin again, a little shy - with him, unable to demand whatever he wanted and have it handed to him.

But Gavin nodded immediately, grinning.

“I’d like that,” he said, and Ryan broke into a smile too.

“Geoff doesn’t want to see you, though?” he couldn’t help but add, trying not to sound quite so possessive - he had been a little worried, at dinner, that Geoff would summon Gavin to his room, to drink together and rant about Ryan. He knew they used to, before. Gavin had told him as much - laughingly, in a way that made Ryan able to laugh at himself, too.

Now the thought made him simmer with something too close to jealousy. Geoff - who was able to be so publicly easy and affectionate with Gavin, who could say and do as he liked, who could be _kind_ so freely and be lauded for it. He felt imprisoned in comparison, like the stone walls of the castle were closing in too tightly around him.

But Gavin shook his head.

“Not tonight,” he replied with a small smile, and something in Ryan’s chest eased.

“Come then,” he said, gesturing towards the stairs.

Part of him wanted to grab Gavin, to hold onto _something_ to ground himself. Grip him tightly and feel for once like he was the one in control. But he was carefully gentle, as he always was, resting a hand on Gavin’s back to lead him towards the stairs. In this kingdom even more than Geoff’s he was too aware of the difference in power between them - even if Gavin knew by now that Ryan didn’t care about his place, would never use it against him.

But Gavin - as Gavin slowly shared things with him, Ryan’s sneaking suspicion was only growing that something was not right here. That Gavin had more power, more control, _more_ than Ryan knew or could anticipate.

He wanted to know more, he thought, with a sudden fierce eagerness - _soon_.

 

* * *

 

Ryan shrugged off his heavy outer robe and threw himself back into an armchair, careful to avoid spilling the goblet of wine in his hand. He let out a long, loud groan, and across the room Gavin looked up.

“You sound like a farm animal!” he exclaimed.

"Flattered.”

Gavin gave his squeaky giggle that could always make Ryan smile, no matter how tired or disgruntled he was.

“Heard the meeting today got pretty tense,” he said, and raised an eyebrow. “You wanna talk about it?”

Ryan bit his lip, the reminder making his heart sink again. His feet ached from standing and pacing around the courtroom, his back hurt from sitting in his throne all day, and part of him just wanted to fucking forget about it.

“Both do and don’t,” he muttered. “I kinda wanna just - ignore it all, at least for now, it’s…”

He trailed off. Gavin was looking at him, his green eyes intent as he sat at the study desk eating some of the scones that were leftover from breakfast. His deft fingers picking apart dried fruits and popping them into his mouth.

His face was gentle, not judging, and… it helped to talk. If there was one thing Ryan had learned with him, it was that it _helped_ to talk.

“I don’t want this fight with Geoff,” he said, slowly. “I’ve told you before, every single fucking thing I do is to protect my kingdom - but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about yours, too. I want to get along with him, I _want_ to resolve this cordially - but now I’m _trapped_ , because in order to _look_ like I’m defending my kingdom’s interests I have to maintain this stupid fucking mask I put on, and it means _Geoff_ and the others believe it too, and it’s just-”

His voice had been rising, growing faster and faster until he was forced to finally pause and _breathe_.

“Exhausting,” he finished, finally. “It’s just _exhausting_.”

Gavin bit his lip as Ryan slumped back in the armchair, sipping listlessly at his wine as though he hadn’t already drunk more than enough at dinner. After a moment, he rose from the table and moved up behind Ryan, trailing a hand up his arm before beginning to massage his shoulders.

“Holy hell, you’re tense,” he said.

“Gav, you’re meant to be eating.”

“I’m fine.” His warm hands massaged and squeezed, digging into a knot just below Ryan’s shoulder blades. “Seems like you need some downtime.”

Ryan groaned again, involuntarily this time.

“Shit, you’re good at this.”

“Good with my hands in general,” Gavin murmured, something mischievous in his voice. Ryan felt a warmth against his back as the other man leaned in close. He pressed a kiss to the back of Ryan’s ear, and he had to fight a shiver.

“So,” Gavin continued then, “Who were those assholes talking to you before?”

“Advisors from my father’s court,” Ryan explained, letting his eyes slip shut as Gavin continued to massage his aching back and shoulders. “I shouldn’t still be worried about them. I shouldn’t still have to try and _appease_ them now that _I’m_ the one in charge. I’m king, but sometimes I feel so damn helpless. They’re scared of me - like everyone is - but at the same time, I’m wary of _them_. I know if I don’t keep this up they could cause trouble for me.” 

He sighed, bitterly, and added, “Still - they’re old. Maybe one day they’ll just _die_.”

Gavin let out a startled laugh.

“If it pleases the gods!” he said.

“It pleases me,” Ryan muttered.

“It would please me too,” Gavin laughed, and leaned forward, resting his arms on Ryan’s back as he leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “You could have them assassinated.”

“ _Gavin_ ,” Ryan chided, shocked.

“That’s what some kings do!”

"My father, maybe,” Ryan said grimly. “Not me. Would you?”

“No,” Gavin admitted, and rubbed Ryan’s back. “I’m just kidding.”

“Have you killed before?” Ryan asked, on impulse - then added, a little awkwardly, “Aside from when you saved my life that one time.”

Once he would have assumed no - but after the seeing the ease with which Gavin fired an arrow, hit his would-be killer from a distance… He was not just a jester. And if he had been on the run for so long - to survive, he must’ve fought back.

Gavin fell silent. His hands slipped from Ryan’s shoulders and he turned away, striding over to the window and wrapping his arms around himself. Ryan couldn’t tell if he was looking out at the city or staring at his own reflection in the dark glass. Still - Gavin didn’t seem _upset_ , but Ryan sat up, frowning anyway.

To look at him - little, slender Gavin with his big eyes and gawkish mannerisms - it was hard to picture him fighting. _Killing_. But there was an instinct to his movement, to how sharp his eyes were and how quickly he reacted to things sometimes. To how he’d picked up that bow and fired.

“Gav…”

“It’s fine,” Gavin said sharply. Then laughed a little and seemed to force himself to sound calmer as he continued, “I, uh… yeah. I did. I was alone for a long time. I told you - people came after me. I had to defend myself. I had to do a _lot_ of things.” His hands dropped to his sides, fists clenching. “Survival… y’know?”

“Why were they after you?” Ryan whispered.

Gavin didn’t answer - or look at him. In the glass Ryan saw him bite his lip - saw his own pale face, a little way behind him, staring at him worriedly.

“You know,” Gavin said slowly, ignoring his question, “Geoff saved me. That’s how I met him. I was trying to flee Lothian, and ran towards his kingdom. There are these big stretches of wilderness between them, not owned by any land. Dangerous places. Gramarye’s filled with beasts and bandits. The Ford is difficult to cross - I thought I’d be safe once I was over on his side.”

Ryan listened in silence. Gavin’s voice was soft now, a little uncertain - clearly this was a story he hadn’t told before, one he wasn’t remotely used to sharing.

“But they caught up to me right as I was reaching the water,” he continued. “You know the rapids in that river… there are only certain places to you can cross. I was hemmed in - the bridges weren’t for miles to either side of us. I’m not the _best_ swimmer, and there was nowhere to run. A dozen of them, on horses with pikes and spears… I thought I was done for.”

Ryan’s heart clenched protectively, especially when Gavin looked over his shoulder at him - jaw tight, face strained. As though he was back there again, that desperate boy. Alone and helpless - no one to save him.

“I would’ve died,” he croaked, “But Geoff was there. He was headed for a trip into the Wilderness, seeking a group of his soldiers who’d gone missing. He heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. He had knights with him - Dan and Michael included,” he added with a small smile; Ryan smiled too, Gavin had told him much of their antics, only fuelling his jealousy for that sunny kingdom where nobles and commoners alike mingled and befriended one another. “They saved me. Drove off Lot’s men.”

_So it was Lot’s men after him,_ Ryan thought with a frown; it made sense, but why should the _king_ care about a teenaged clown?  
  
“And they rescued me,” Gavin said, turning back to the window, his fingers gripping the sill tightly until his fingertips turned white. “I had no idea who they were at first. Then I realised it was the _king_ , I… I didn’t know what to do. I told them who I was, and they agreed to take me back to their kingdom with them. We got along so well on the journey back that Geoff took me on as his fool, and I lived in the castle ever since.”

_Told them who I was…_

Something still didn’t add up. Why a jester? Why would Geoff welcome him so easily into the castle, on the somewhat vague basis that they had ‘gotten along’? Had Gavin learned to juggle specifically for that role, or did he already know?  
  
_And why Lot’s men?_  
  
"And who are you?” Ryan whispered. “Why were they after you?”

Gavin lowered his head.

“I trust you, Ryan,” he said quietly, “But… but sometimes sharing takes more than I’m ready to give.”

“Of course!” Ryan replied. “I understand - you don’t need to tell me.”

He felt bad for pushing, for being so curious - but Gavin looked up again, and gave a small smile.

“I want to,” he assured him. “Just… I haven’t talked about this shit in years.” He scoffed out a little laugh. “Seven bloody years.”

“Take your time,” Ryan offered. But then, unable to help his curiosity, “So Lot was after you.”

“Yeah,” Gavin admitted. “He wanted me dead.”

Ryan pressed his lips together, still trying to puzzle this out. Why, if he was just a jester? What would’ve made Geoff agree to help him - aside from just kindness? Why so much _trust_ between them?

A memory stirred.

“The escaped prince,” he began slowly. “The one who supposedly got away from the slaughter…”

Gavin’s shoulders tensed, and Ryan didn’t miss it.

“Do you believe it?” he asked, carefully. “You said it was just a silly story, but you saw that kingdom firsthand... is it possible?”

Gavin was silent for a long moment.

“I would like to believe it,” he said finally. “I think it makes a… a very hopeful story. And I think the kingdom’s people need something like that. Some possibility that Lot could be ousted and the rightful heir could take his place. There’d be a sense of… _justice_ , to it.”

“There would be,” Ryan agreed.

“But it’d take a lot of people to make it happen. A lot of help. King Lot is very powerful.”

“So am I,” Ryan declared, with sudden fierceness. “So is Geoff. _We_ could help.”

Gavin looked terribly awkward. But Ryan’s anger had been stirred, and he rose, fists clenched, a burst of passionate energy overtaking him.

_It fits, doesn’t it? Could it be?_

_Oh come on Ryan,_ really? _Out of every secret possible, you think he’s… he’s…_

_Don’t be stupid. You can’t know - not unless he tells you. It could be any number of other things._

_Like what? Because I’m struggling to think of any._

“Geoff is a good man,” Gavin said quickly. It sounded like a bid to change the subject, to get Ryan off whatever enthusiastically vengeful path he’d been about to go down. “And he’s smart, too. He’s not one to judge you for this. Don’t worry about the meetings - he wants to sort this out, too. If he was annoyed tonight, it wasn’t at you personally.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Ryan replied. “I’m sure it was your good word that contributed to him knowing that about me.”

Gavin smiled a bit, his shoulders finally relaxing.

“I have your back!” he said brightly.

“And I have yours,” Ryan replied, finally coming up to stand behind him. “No matter what might happen in the future. You know that, right?”

Gavin ducked his head, but he nodded and sounded pleased when he murmured, “Yeah. I trust you.”

Ryan pressed against his back, resting his hands on Gavin’s waist. _I trust you_. The words resonated through him, making his heart pound and sending a warm flush through his chest. _I trust you_. They meant more than he could say, more than most other words would, between the two of them with all they were slowly starting to discover about one another. _I trust you._

Gavin turned in his arms and Ryan leaned in and kissed him, gently. Gavin clutched at the front of his shirt and tilted his head back, allowing Ryan easier access. It was wonderful - it felt _easy,_ comfortable, and when they pulled apart and Gavin rested their foreheads together, Ryan could feel his lingering, warmth breath against his lips.

“I’ll miss you when you’re gone,” he found himself blurting out, as he cradled Gavin close.

Gavin looked up, eyes wide, and Ryan bit his lip. He wanted this - _them_ \- to be something. To be _together_ , be close to Gavin in a way he hadn’t been close to anyone else before. He wanted to find his secrets and help him, build him up, make things _right_. If Gavin was who he thought he was…

There was a story here, an epic tale, a happy ending in the distance. That was how it worked, wasn’t it? In all the ballads and plays. True love conquered all. And he was starting to think, to _feel_ , like this might all be…

He barely dared say it. But Gavin stared up at him, lips parted, a world and a story deep in his eyes that Ryan wanted to draw out with gentle words and touches and _time_ , time that they didn’t yet have-

“We’ll figure it out,” Gavin whispered, reaching up and cupping his cheek. “Because I’ll miss you too, and I don’t want to have to.”

Ryan smiled. Gavin kissed him again, then, drawing him towards the bed as Ryan ran his hands over hidden scars and tried to focus on _now_ instead of the uncertain future.

 

* * *

 

Gavin was right. The tension with Geoff didn’t last long, and by the next meeting he’d already come up with a compromise that even Ryan’s counsellors were happy with. Things settled back into a routine, and as treaty after treaty was signed and every session sailed smoothly…

Ryan, well - Ryan relaxed. Perhaps a little too much. His mind was filled with heroic daydreams as he began to imagine himself leading a united army, sweeping into Lot’s kingdom to topple the false king from his throne. Restoring the prince to his rightful place, returning his rightful crown. Ryan proving his own might, and no longer having to _hide_. And then the three of them - himself, and Geoff, and _Gavin_ \- creating a stability between their kingdoms, an alliance of prosperity and peace that would prove Ryan to his people and free him to no longer have to _hide_.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it - playing out the epic scenes in his mind. The battle, the siege, the coronation. A childish glory to it, like when the prince slayed the dragon at the end of every fairytale.

There was nothing wrong with dreaming. But what was _most_ dangerous, oh, what started to become a bit of a problem…

He started to genuinely _want_ it.

There were only five days left, but somehow instead of being sad, Ryan had an odd sense of waiting. Waiting for Gavin to tell him more, to confirm what he already suspected - and from there he was quite certain Geoff would get involved and all three of them would make plans to take down Lot. Perhaps Gavin would even stay on in his kingdom, if he was agreeable. 

Everything would change.

 

* * *

 

**3.**

Ryan’s meeting had run late, long into dinner to the point where the servants had brought them food to eat as they discussed. He was exhausted, but buzzing with the thrill of productivity as he finally bid goodnight to the last woman who’d lingered behind to talk to him and headed off towards his own chambers.

_A hot bath,_ he thought blissfully - he’d sent for one half an hour before, and it should be ready by now. _Perhaps Gavin might even join me…_

He was passing through the parlour towards the stairs leading up to the royal suite when a sound caught his attention, and he froze.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“I-”

“Did you make this fucking mess?”

“I didn’t! This guard knocked it over when he-”

“Did I ask you to speak?”

“I mean, you asked me a bloody question so-”  
  
_Gavin_. His heart sank - the voices were echoing from the adjoining chamber, where the servants’ entrance led towards the staff staircase and the levels up above. He hurried towards the doorway, only tensing further when he heard Gavin give a pained little yelp.  
  
“Why the hell would a fool need to be going up to the royal suite?”

Ryan recognised the voice. It was a baron of the outer regions who was also staying in the castle, as he’d travelled far to attend the meetings. He burst through the doorway in time to see Gavin stumble as a large man - one of the baron’s personal guard, it seemed - grabbed him by the arms and yanked him away from the staircase, slamming him face-first against the wall.

White-hot rage filled Ryan, flooding his veins for a moment, and making him see red. If he had been a sorcerer as they all believed, he was quite certain that some dark magic would’ve burst out of him, obliterating everything in his path - he was almost sorry it didn’t!

The guard and the baron moved to surround Gavin, crowding him against the wall as he struggled.

“Geoff summoned me!” he was protesting. “I work for him, not you! He’ll be mad if you stop me going to his room!”

“Shut up,” the baron snapped. “How dare you speak to me with such disrespect? Don’t you know who you’re talking to?”

“Uhhh.” Gavin squinted at the man from where his face was squashed against the wall, and wisely chose not to answer.

The baron flung an arm out and pointed at a broken vase, shattered on the floor. Ryan recognised it; it’d been resting on a table by the foot of the stairs and seemed to have been knocked down. It’d been a gift, he remembered, from a travelling artist who’d passed through during his father’s reign, and was supposedly quite valuable. He’d never been keen on it; it was disturbingly phallic in a way that apparently had an incomprehensible artistic merit.

“Did you smash this?”

“No!” Gavin cried. “It wasn’t-”

He broke off with another pained shout when the guard twisted his arm up behind his back, and Ryan jolted into action as a fresh burst of ire surged through him.

“What the _fuck_ is going on here?” he roared, sweeping from the doorway with such suddenness that all three of them jumped a mile. The baron whirled around, and his face went white as he realised it was the king.

“My lord,” he stammered, “The fool broke your vase, and seems to be trying to sneak into-”

“Let him go at once,” Ryan snapped. And then, on impulse, “Don’t you know that you are laying hands on a prince?”

They all froze again. Confusion swept over the two men’s faces, and Ryan felt a grim satisfaction. He’d _wanted_ to shock them, _wanted_ to make them regret…

But Gavin - Gavin’s eyes had gone huge and _horrified_ , staring at Ryan with none of the relief or admiration he’d expected. Ryan felt a vague guilt - he hadn’t meant to let his secret out - but a sense of righteous justice had taken him over and he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

“Let him go," he repeated, and the guard released Gavin. He staggered free, rubbing his arm as he inched towards Ryan’s side. Ryan gazed at the two men coldly and they both shrank back. Usually he loathed the look of fear in his citizens’ eyes when they gazed upon him; this time he relished it, still trembling with anger over what he’d seen.

“Well?” he demanded, voice icy. “Won’t you bow to your king?”

“My deepest apologies, my lord,” the baron stammered. He dropped to his knees, the guard bowing low as well. Ryan nodded, satisfied.

“Clean this mess up,” he ordered, jerking his head towards the broken vase. “Gavin, come on.”

He took Gavin’s hand and pulled him towards the stairs. Gavin stumbled, but stuck close by his side, pressing himself against Ryan’s arm as they passed the two men and headed upstairs. Ryan was buzzing with barely contained energy, but as they reached the corridor and headed towards his room, Gavin began to tug at his hand.

“Ryan,” he began. “Ryan-”

“One moment, Gav. Just wait until we get inside.” There weren’t normally others on this floor, but Geoff and some of the visiting noblemen had taken up residence here, and even in the quiet hush of the carpeted hallway Ryan was worried about being overheard. He led Gavin to his own door and ushered him inside.

Gavin pulled his hand free and stumbled over to the table. Ryan shut the door behind him and turned, eyes burning.

“Are you hurt?” he demanded.

He stepped towards Gavin, but Gavin took a step back. The movement was too close to a flinch, and Ryan froze. He had a sudden, horrible flashback to the moment they’d first met - Gavin hiding under his bed, terrified out of his wits, convinced Ryan would harm or kill him… he’d hated seeing that look in the other man’s eyes then, and he hated it now-

Except it wasn’t quite fear. More of a deep, unsettling dismay.

“Gavin?” he asked quietly, and Gavin bit his lip.

“I’m fine,” he said, voice very strained. “I’m not hurt. They didn’t… they just got pissed at me. Can hardly blame them, after all - anyone would be suspicious seeing someone trying to sneak upstairs to the kings’ rooms. He was just doing his job. Sorry about the dick vase, though. It legit wasn’t me. But I think you’re better off without it - it’s so big it made it look like you were trying to compensate for something!”

“They had no right to handle you like that,” Ryan snapped, Gavin’s weak jokes doing nothing to stifle his anger. “I know that baron - he enjoys throwing his weight around. It wasn’t your fault.” He clenched his fists. “I hated seeing them treat you like that.”

“Ryan.” Gavin bit his lip. His face had drained of colour and his arms were wrapped around himself. “Ryan, what you said to them-”

Oh. No wonder he was so upset. Ryan stepped towards him, hands outstretched gently, like he was trying to tame a skittish horse.

“I’m sorry, Gavin. I just got so angry. I shouldn’t have blurted out your secret like that-”

“My _secret_?” Gavin cried, his voice oddly high. He cleared his throat and swallowed a few times before barking out a harsh, broken sort of laugh. “My secret, oh _gods_. My-”

“I worked it out. It’s okay,” Ryan assured him, “We’ll fix this, hell, I’ll help you defeat Lot. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through but together we’ll-”

“Stop. Ryan, stop.”

Ryan’s mouth snapped shut. Gavin had turned away, and was running his hands over his face. He threw his head back, then started to laugh, something hysterical to it. He was shaking hard.

“Oh gods,” he groaned, “Oh _gods_. I said I’d tell you when I was ready, that it was a… a hard secret to share, the _truth_ , that it - it doesn’t come easily-”

“I know, but I thought-”

“You thought wrong!”

Ryan was the one to flinch, now, worried that Gavin was angry with him - but Gavin turned to him with desperate eyes, and his face softened a little.

“No, Ryan, I’m not mad… This is my fault, I should’ve said sooner - I didn’t think you’d _tell_ anyone, that you’d say anything out loud - I was about to _tell_ you-”

“Tell me _what_?”  Ryan demanded. He was starting to get rather stressed by now! But he didn’t like how Gavin squeezed his eyes shut, how when he opened them he looked close to tears. He forced himself to calm down and inched towards Gavin again, reaching out to gently touch his arm.

“Gavin,” he said softly. “Gav, I’m not angry… I’m just real fucking confused and I think I _may_ have just made an idiot of myself out there. Please, if you’re not the lost prince, then… why were you running? Why was Lot after you? Why would you say things that you must _know_ led me to that conclusion?”

Gavin swallowed hard, and took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay.”

He looked so shaken that Ryan turned to the sideboard and poured him a cup of water. Gavin took it gratefully, taking a few sips and a moment to calm himself down. He cradled the cup in trembling hands and glanced at Ryan, who was waiting patiently. Gavin gave him a small smile, then turned away. 

“What would you do for someone you love - _think_ you love?” he asked, abruptly. “Would you give up your life for them? And by that, I don’t mean die. I mean devote _everything_ to them. Your home. Your safety. Your identity. Your _existence_.”

 _Love,_ Ryan thought, and could only look at him - could only swallow hard as his heart skipped a beat and he tried not to think about it, not just yet.

“I…” he began, and trailed off, swallowing. “It… it’d depend, I suppose, on the person - on how _long_ \- but yes,” he said then, when Gavin glanced at him again and he caught another glimpse of those green eyes. _You would fight for him. Go to war for him. You_ would, _though it frightens you to admit it_. “I believe I would.”

Gavin’s lips twitched.

“Very romantic,” he said, and bit his lip. “And at the tender age of… gods, fourteen, fifteen, I was very romantic too. I’m not the lost prince,” he added, and looked up at Ryan. “I’m just a stupid little jester boy.”

“But… but you, why-”

“But the _real_ lost prince,” Gavin continued, and a sudden, deep pain came into his voice, “Was very fond of the theatre. I’d been travelling with a group of players run by my uncle after my parents died - since I was just a youngling. Mostly did sideshows, but I learned the ballads, the plays, the tales. When we passed by the capital the prince would come by every day and we… we got to know each other. He wasn’t like other royals. He talked to me like… like I was a _person_ , not just a performance. He was handsome and cheerful and _humble_ and I-”

He broke off, fists clenching, and Ryan’s heart wrenched.

“You fell in love with him,” he whispered.

“Not just that. I think… I think he loved me, too. We got close - really close. He kept inviting me into the castle. I was nervous, but he said it would be fine… then everything came crashing down at once.”

“Lot invaded,” Ryan said, and Gavin squeezed his eyes shut.

“Lot invaded,” he whispered, “At the same time as his family found out about me. Gods, they were furious - demanded to know what I was doing in the castle. Said I had no right to be there, to be talking to the prince, that I’d forgotten my place… ironically, it might even have been fortunate for me that Lot attacked because otherwise they might have executed or banished me.”

"So what happened? When he attacked.”

“I was in the dungeons, where I’d been left for days,” Gavin said. “I had no idea what was going on when suddenly the prince’s advisors came and hurried me out of there. I thought for sure I was gonna die - but then they took me through the servants’ passage, and out into the lower city and into a house - and there he was. Hiding. And they told me Lot had come, and killed all his family, and only he had managed to escape, and now - now they _needed_ me.” 

Ryan stared at him, still unable to put all the pieces together.

“We looked alike enough that it would be hard to tell, especially as I matured,” Gavin said, reaching up and running a hand over his face. “And who better than a player to keep a secret?”

“They wanted you to pretend to be him,” Ryan said, and Gavin nodded.

“He would flee into the countryside with the advisors. I’d ride south out of the city wearing his cloak. From then on they’d all be following _me_ while he slipped away, unseen. I was to drop clues along my path - pay with gold at taverns, shit like that - make them convinced it was me. Lot hadn’t ever really met the youngest prince in person. He’d have no fucking clue. I could talk like a royal, I’d seen the kings in the plays do it often enough. My life would be in danger - hell, I’d _have_ no life. From then on, my only purpose would be to protect his. To be a diversion. If I was killed, even better. They’d think he was dead and give up on the chase.”

“Holy shit,” Ryan breathed, and Gavin gave a grim nod.

“I could have refused,” he said, and bit his lip. “After all, Lot was king now - what could they do to me? But the look on his face… hearing that they’d killed his parents, his siblings, _all_ of them… how could I not do it? I _loved_ him. Even if he was telling me not to, not to give myself up for him, not to put myself in danger… I had to do it. So they took him away into hiding, and I dressed up and ran and I _kept_ running and when Geoff found me…”

“Did you tell him?”

“I told him what I was meant to, at first. That I was the prince - he believed me, said he’d get me to safety. But on the trip I… I guess it’d all been too much for too long. I broke down and ended up telling him the truth and I thought for sure he’d be mad that I’d lied. But he _wasn’t_ \- he said it showed strength of character. Loyalty. That what I’d done, what I’d _sacrificed_ proved more about me than royal blood would have. I’d never met someone who thought like that before.”

Yet again Ryan felt a surge of admiration for Geoff - and something close to jealousy, wishing he could be that type of leader too. That he could be _free_ to be.

“He offered to let me come back to the castle and work as his jester. Said I didn’t have to tell anyone who I was and that Lot’s men would assume I’d just vanished. By now they thought they knew what the ‘prince’ looked like, so the real boy was safe. I agreed - after two, three years on the run, how couldn’t I? - and so I went back with him. We got close really quickly - probably because I wasn’t from his kingdom and because he knew he could trust me to be loyal, after all that. Only Dan and Michael knew the truth at first, but I’ve since told Burnie and Gus, and Michael’s wife Lindsay…”

He trailed off and Ryan stepped forward again, touching his arm gently. Gavin leaned into his side, seeming relieved.

“I’m not a prince,” he repeated, and huffed out a laugh. “Not even close to it.”

“No, you’re more,” Ryan replied. “True nobility doesn’t come from your bloodline. It comes from honour, loyalty, from how you treat others. You gave up everything for someone you love. That’s more noble than any act those in my court can claim they’ve committed.”

Gavin’s lips twitched a little.

“I mean it,” Ryan insisted, and took him by the shoulders, turning him to face him. “Gods, Gavin, I’m not _disappointed_ … I wanted to know the truth, and now I do. No wonder you’re good with a bow, no wonder you know how to survive. I can see why Geoff likes you so much.”

“How about you?” Gavin asked - something a touch nervous under his teasing tone. “Why do you like me so much?”

“Because you saw that maybe I’m not everything people think, either,” Ryan admitted. “Maybe I, too, have… have some hidden value.”

“Of course you do,” Gavin whispered, and leaned against Ryan’s chest, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Ryan hugged him back, ducking his head to press a kiss to Gavin’s hair.

“I was going to tell you,” Gavin mumbled into his chest. “I just… I’m so used to guarding the secret. It’s his life on the line, you know? I was worried.”

“It’s okay. I understand. Do you know where he is, if he’s still out there?”

Gavin shook his head.

“A few years ago Geoff sent secret messengers to the farm where he was meant to be staying, to see if he was still there - but it was abandoned. They’d moved. He could be anywhere by now. Might not even be alive.”

“And are you…”

“Still in love with him? No. I don’t know. It’s been ten years, Ryan, I- I thought maybe I should move on. Since then I’ve… there’ve been a few boys, a few girls, nothing serious. But if I saw him again - I don’t know what would happen.” He let out a little huff. “I’m sure by now he’s moved on too, if he’s still alive.”

“Maybe,” Ryan said. A slight, unsettling unease was deep in his stomach now. _Nothing serious_. He was barely sure of his own feelings and it would be dangerous to assume Gavin’s. But that wasn’t the point right now - he cradled the other man close.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, then gave a small laugh. “Gods, though, I wish I hadn’t blurted that out to those guards back there! I can’t think how confused they must be. I told them you were a _prince_.”

“They might think I’m secretly Geoff’s son,” Gavin laughed. “Or that you intend to marry me.”  
  
The words were joking, but they nearly made Ryan’s heart skip a beat anyway. He laughed too, though it was slightly strained, and Gavin stirred in his arms.

“They’ll probably think they misheard you,” he assured him. “Or you can, uh, try convince them you were speaking metaphorically because I’m close to Geoff? They’re scared enough of you that it’ll work.”

“Hopefully,” Ryan muttered, and Gavin poked him in the chest.

“Either way,” he said, “I’m flattered that if I _was_ the missing prince you’d have been so eager to help me get my crown back.”

Ryan laughed. The way Gavin was looking at him now, eyes soft, small smile on his lips, was worth all the embarrassment.

“Of course,” he said. “And if you ever find him - the real boy - I’d be happy to help him, too, if it pleased you.”  
  
Gavin’s eyes widened a little. He had to know how much that meant - taking on another king, especially one as brutal and powerful as Lot… that was no small offer.

“I appreciate that,” he whispered, and Ryan reached out and cupped his cheek.

There felt something more intimate to the kiss this time. Perhaps because there were no more secrets between them - no walls, no barriers - for the first time he felt he _knew_ who Gavin was, and the best part was that it didn’t feel like anything new. Hell, it didn’t feel like as much of a lie as it would’ve been if he _had_ been the prince. He was just _Gavin_ \- Gavin the jester, Gavin filled with stories and tricks, Gavin who was curious and brave and who had given up everything for someone he loved. His past didn’t change who he was now, how Ryan saw him. He just felt like he could understand him better, and the path that’d brought him here.

 

* * *

 

**+1**

Three days.

Three days until Gavin was to depart, and Ryan felt like there were stones in the pit of his stomach - like a heaviness was weighing him down that wouldn’t abate. A sense of _waiting_ \- worse than that. Not knowing when, after this visit, he’d be able to see Gavin again. How things would be left between them. Much had gone unsaid.

Every time they had a moment alone together, a tense sense of _expectation_ hung between them. Every time Ryan tried to work up the courage to finally _say_ something, to voice what was inside him.

Every time, he couldn’t bring himself to.

_Afraid_. He kicked himself for it, because that was the only reason - he was _afraid_. Because never, not once, had he had to do this before.

Oh, there’d been fleeting feelings. At university, mostly. He remembered another student who he’d sat up with in the evenings in the library, discussing questions of logic and philosophy as the night wore on late and they remained in the glow of candlelight, surrounded by the rich smell of parchment and burning incense, the two of them foregoing study in favour of lively debate. She’d been witty and intelligent and _beautiful,_ with her long, shining black hair and dark eyes and lilting accent - and Ryan had loved her, or thought he might. Had begun to imagine what it would be like to have her by his side.

But she had fallen in love with another scholar before he could even begin to think of admitting his feelings for her, and he was forced to instead let them fade. They’d still kept in touch, writing long letters to one another - or they had at first. He’d gotten too busy in the last year and the correspondence fell by the wayside. He missed it, thinking back on it now.

Others. One of the guardsmen who’d escorted him back to his kingdom after his father died - he’d been Ryan’s age, with something naive to his bearing, and unlike most of the others he hadn’t had the same lust for war and bloodshed. But Ryan had been too unsure of his new position as king to dare make a move, and too busy once they returned to keep track of him, and before he knew it the generals stationed the young man across the country and Ryan saw no more of him.

So he was no stranger to affection for others, even if it those instances came few and far between, and _hard-earned_ beyond his initial attraction.

But Gavin - Gavin was different. None of the others had been like this, and never had Ryan felt so desperate to _admit_ things, to try and make it _work_.

Gavin was something else. A spark, perhaps, lighting something in him he’d kept tamped down for a long time, afraid to burn too brightly and draw attention to himself.

 

* * *

 

Three days left.

He and Gavin sat together in the dining hall long after everyone else had gone, even the servants who’d cleared the tables - sitting and laughing over some stupid stories Gavin was telling about Dan and his friends back home. Ryan staring at him, enraptured, leaning forward attentively as he shared a few of his own childhood antics.

In the occasional comfortable pauses that fell between them, he felt it rise in his chest - _tell him - tell him - tell him how you feel - tell him that you want him to stay-_

He didn’t.

 

* * *

 

Two days left. 

He came out to the city, his hood drawn up to conceal his face, and watched Gavin perform for a scattered crowd near the bridge. The people watched wide-eyed - no players came through his kingdom, and the performance wasn’t like much they would have seen before. But Ryan had given Gavin free reign of the streets, and ordered the guards to let him and all Geoff’s men go as they pleased, and they feared him enough that they’d obeyed.

Now Ryan watched from the fringes as the curious crowds clapped and laughed and cheered. Gavin was in his element - sweating but with a big grin on his face, his eyes bright, working them up with jokes and quips and his talented tricks as he flipped about across the paving stones, tossing his damp hair back, drawing young ones in to help hold his props.

It was a magical sight, one that would have entranced Ryan at any age. He couldn’t help but imagine Gavin through the eyes of the young prince - just a boy, watching transfixed, chest swelling with the innocent, consuming excitement of first love.

Finally Gavin bowed, his chest rising and falling in heaving breaths, nodding in thanks at the crowd’s applause. He looked up and caught Ryan’s eye, and his smile and wink made Ryan’s cheeks heat red, blushing like a schoolgirl. He couldn’t help but adore him.

Waving off their tips and coins, Gavin slipped away and move to Ryan’s side as the crowds dispersed.

“Enjoy the show?” he asked.

“One of your best!”

“Your people seemed surprised,” Gavin said, and glanced over his shoulder at the kids, excitedly chattering over the juggling balls he’d left with them.

“They don’t get much like that here. Father never really encouraged the arts,” Ryan added, with regret.

Gavin hummed. There was a comfortable silence as they strolled back through the streets together, and after a moment he slipped his arm through Ryan’s and pressed close to his side. Ryan relished the feel of him, warm and thrumming with energy and _life._

_Tell him._

He couldn’t.

 

* * *

 

One day.

Geoff’s entourage had been busy packing to leave tomorrow, holding final meetings and preparations and finalising plans. It meant that Ryan didn't see Gavin all day, and by eight o’clock he found himself lingering in his chambers, hands shaking and stomach churning, beset with a deep dread and the feeling that he was running out of time.

_Now. Go now._

He'd assumed Gavin would come to his rooms as soon as he had the chance, but twenty minutes wore on - thirty - and he realised that he'd have to go and find him.

And the most logical place to look, he realised with a sudden sinking awkwardness, was Geoff’s room.

_Has Gavin told him? Would he have? Is he serious enough about this that he would? And gods - what might Geoff think of it... of me?_

He'd spent so many evenings with Gavin, he realised then, that he'd not once during the trip made time for a private meeting with Geoff. It was silly, he could see that now - had Gavin not distracted him it would have been his first priority. But he had been swept away in trying to make the most of the time they had together, and Geoff had never reached out and reminded him of it.

Now he stood awkwardly staring at the door to the guest chambers. It took longer than he liked to work up the courage to knock - and here he was in his own castle, the king!

"Come in," Geoff’s voice hollered, and Ryan took a deep breath.

Geoff was sitting by the little table in the centre of the main room, from which bedroom and washroom led off, a goblet of wine in front of him. His eyes lifted lazily towards Ryan as he entered. He didn't seem surprised to see him.

"...Hello," Ryan said, and kicked himself for his awkwardness.

"Hi," Geoff replied, unfazed. "Figured you'd be dropping by at some point."

"Is that so?"

"Uh huh." He took a deep swig of wine and smacked his lips obnoxiously. "Gods, Ryan, your court is like a fucking theatre. People watching your every move, seeming eager for a fight to break out or a bloodbath every damn day."

"I am not fond of those bloody tragedies."

"No? More of a comedy fellow? I would not have guessed." He turned in his seat to look at Ryan, who remained leaning against the door. "Or perhaps you are a man of romance."

Ryan's face flushed warm. He could feel it, and burned with embarrassment. But Geoff’s eyes were bright and teasing even as he raised his eyebrows. 

"I take it you are not here for me."

"Is Gavin here?" Ryan admitted, grudgingly.

Geoff nodded, and jerked his thumb towards one of the closed doors.

"We were drinking together after dinner. He has gone to bathe - we have a few week’s journey ahead of us and there's nothing worse than starting out on the road already grimy. He should be finished soon." He paused, then added, with a measuring look, "You are welcome to wait here if you like. Have a drink."

A drink - yes, he probably ought to settle his nerves. He sat opposite Geoff and as he poured his own cup he caught the faint strains of Gavin's tuneless singing from behind the bathroom door. His lips twitched furiously and when he glanced up and met Geoff’s eyes he found the other man also struggling not to laugh. They both broke into grins, and the tension broke with them.

"He told me, you know," Ryan said - and expanded at Geoff’s quirked brow, "Who he is. How he got here."

"That means he must trust you a great deal," Geoff observed. He seemed unsurprised, which Ryan assumed meant Gavin had already told him that. _And what else might he have said?_

"Yes - indeed. I am glad he felt comfortable enough to share so much with me on his trip."

"Seems like you did quite a bit of sharing yourself last time." Geoff gazed steadily across the table at him and Rryan didn't look away. After a moment, Geoff leaned forward.

"I was worried when I heard Gavin had gotten was getting so close to you. You understand why- your reputation-"

"Of course," Ryan cut in, a little testily, but Geoff raised a hand.

"I had to be sure we could trust you. Gav is like a son to me - or a little brother maybe, I'm not quite that old yet - not to mention there are a lot of bad people who might want to get their hands on him, as you well know. But seeing you here, among your people…” He trailed off, tilting his head and staring at Ryan quizzically, the other man trying hard to keep his face blank.

“I don’t think I could do it,” Geoff said, finally. “Pretend like you do. Protect my people but at the expense of them all _fearing_ me, of not being able to engage with them, be _among_ them as a friend, leader, the kingdom’s father… I couldn’t do it. But you can, and I respect that you feel it’s your duty, that it’s your strategy for keeping things stable. But Ryan - take some time for yourself. I know you enjoy your science, your reading… make sure you have a little happiness, even if amongst others you must keep it hidden. It’s not healthy, otherwise!”

“I will,” Ryan assured him, a little startled. That wasn’t quite the direction he’d expected things to take.

“Good. And if Gavin’s part of that happiness…” Geoff trailed off and seemed to study him closely. Ryan let his face soften a little, difficult as it was to allow himself to show anything resembling vulnerability in front of someone else.

But whatever Geoff saw in his eyes seemed to convince him; he sat back with a small smile.

“Gav seems to like you,” he said. “His home is in my kingdom, but… I know if he comes here for a while, if he travels, you will ensure his safety.”

“Of course,” Ryan said fiercely, and Geoff seemed pleased.

“As for Lot,” Ryan began - but before they could continue, the bathroom door opened and Gavin strode through, bounding over towards Geoff while vigorously rubbing a towel through his hair.

“Geoff! That bloody soap you bought at the market smells like - oh! Ryan! You’re here.”

He looked surprised at first - then bashful, exchanging a small smile with Ryan, both of them too aware of Geoff’s eyes darting between them.

“I came to collect you,” Ryan informed him.

“Oh! I got caught up with Geoff and didn’t realise it’d gotten so late. I was going to go to your rooms later. Did you guys…”

He trailed off, looking between them shyly. 

“Oh, I’ve been telling him _all_ your embarrassing stories,” Geoff cackled, wickedly. He came up and looped an arm around Gavin, ruffling his hair and then trying to tickle him. Gavin squirmed wildly, squawking - Geoff appeared to try and stick a hand down his pants, which was faintly alarming, but apparently Gavin was used to it.

“Ow! Ow! Are you fucking biting me?” Geoff cried finally, shoving him away.

“Yes,” Gavin declared, “You taste funny.”

"You can’t bite the king!”

“Yum,” Gavin said, and stick his tongue out. Geoff took the chance to stick a finger in his mouth and Gavin gagged, backing off.

“Go on then,” Geoff said, flapping a hand at Ryan, who stood watching in bewilderment. “Shuffle off to whatever it is you’re doing. I don’t wanna know about it.”

“Good, because we don’t wanna tell you,” Gavin retorted, snatching up his jacket from where it lay over the back of a chair.

“How many times have you guys fucked?”

Ryan couldn’t help but let out a little gasp, shocked - Gavin just spluttered indignantly.

“Thought you didn’t want to know, Geoffrey!”

“Ugh, you’re right - go on then.”

“Come on, Ryan. Let’s get out of here.” Gavin came up to his side and took his hand. Ryan couldn’t help but feel rather bemused, but he let Gavin lead him out of the room. As soon as the door shut behind them, Gavin started laughing, and Ryan couldn’t help but chuckle as well. Gavin pressed against his side. He smelled clean and sweet and _soft_ and Ryan loved him.

“What was Geoff talking to you about?” Gavin asked finally, looking up at Ryan.

“Nothing much.”

“Me?” Gavin prompted.

“No. Yes… kinda.” Ryan shook himself. “Hey, come here - I wanted to show you something.”

“Oh - we’re not going to your room?”

Ryan shook his head, and tugged at his hand. He hadn’t had the chance to take Gavin here yet, though he’d been wanting to. But now, he led him past his bedroom to another door, nearly concealed in the shadows of the alcove between Ryan’s room and the next. A flight of steps led down, down, winding away into the dark. Gavin pressed closely against his back as they traversed the familiar path, the stone worn away a little by the regular tread of Ryan’s boots.

“Ry,” Gavin began, uncertainly.  
  
“Shh, not much longer.” Ryan fumbled in the dark and opened the door at the end of the stairwell. He reached out and ran his hand around until he found the light switch. A glow of redstone filled the room, and Gavin gasped.

Ryan’s laboratory - his one sanctuary amidst the rest of the castle. It was a wide open space, the walls lined with books and diagrams and shelves of equipment. Glass cases that stored an immense variety of materials from all over the land - various stones, plants, even samples from the Nether - rocks in twisted, warped shapes, unlike anything from this realm. There were potion stands and vials and test tubes, glass equipment filled with ongoing experiments, papers and documents everywhere. A sense of organised chaos.

Gavin pulled away from Ryan and wandered into the room, staring around like a child seeing snow for the first time, his head tilting back to look up at the ceiling. The entire space was immense, hidden away as it was behind one of the castle walls, and the vaulted roof stretched high. Hanging bone sets hung from the rafters - an entire whale, several other beasts. And the stars, earth and moons in alignment, painted glass orbs with redstone lights in them so that they shimmered and sparkled as each day they rotated slowly about the ceiling.  
  
“Ryan,” he whispered. “It’s…”

“This is my lab,” Ryan said. He stood frozen where he was, seized with nerves. “I’ve wanted to show you this for a while, but, um… remember that evening Geoff had a party? And I was up in the tower and you came, too - the one overlooking the grounds? And you said it was your spot where you went to unwind, or reflect? This is my space. Has been since I was young. I’ve made it my own - not many want to come down here, anyway. They’re frightened of it. But I wanted to show you.”

“It’s _incredible_ ,” Gavin said, spinning in a slow circle as he stared around. “I love it. Hell - I could spend _days_ in here just looking at everything! What are those experiments? I want to know everything - we’ll be here all night, Ryan! Why didn’t you show me all this earlier?”

Ryan laughed, and shuffled awkwardly to his side.

“I was just… worried, I suppose.” He looked down, biting his lip. “This place, it’s… it’s special, in a way. I don’t-”

He broke off, unsure, and Gavin inched closer. He reached out to press Ryan’s arm, clearly aware that this was difficult for him - but Ryan took a deep breath, and looked up.

“I wanted to show you,” he said. “It means something. I… I like you, Gavin. I really, really like you.” The words slipped out too easily, after all his waiting, and he saw Gavin’s eyes widen. But even that wasn’t _enough_ , and before he knew it, he was blurting out, “I think I might even love you.”

Gavin’s mouth dropped open, shocked. And Ryan - Ryan’s heart had nearly stopped. He felt cold all over with uncertainty. Never had he shared something like that before, never had he dared bare his heart so openly. For a moment, he felt pure _terror_.

But a moment later, Gavin broke into a huge smile, his eyes crinkling up at the corners, and Ryan nearly collapsed with relief.

“Ryan,” he said softly, “I didn’t expect you to say that.”

“Why?”

“Just… I don’t know.  I didn’t think you’d admit it. I thought it’d be hard,” he clarified, “It’s hard for me too. But I… I’m happy. I’m glad. I feel the same, or I’m quite sure I do.”

“ _Quite_ sure,” Ryan couldn’t help teasing - Gavin was stammering just as nervously now - and Gavin laughed.

“Quite sure,” he repeated, and stepped forward. “Maybe we should do some experiments to confirm my hypothesis.”

Ryan burst out laughing, and couldn’t stop. A hysterical sort of relief, maybe - as he clung to Gavin and then, after a moment, kissed him. Kissed him with all the passion he felt, all the pent up longing and need for someone he _trusted_ , someone he thought he could love - someone he barely dared admit his feelings to because if Gavin left he was quite sure he would break. And here, in his space where no one could _watch_ them - it felt like they were surrounded by a future, by so much Ryan wanted to show and share with him.

“You’ll be gone tomorrow,” he murmured, when they broke breathlessly apart.

“I’ll come back.”

“When, though?”

Gavin shifted. He was still clinging to Ryan, and looked up at him now with something nervous in his eyes, too.

“I was actually thinking… gods, it might sound silly, just a dream really, but I was going to ask you what you thought of it before I go… I kind of want to start a group of royal players. We’ve never really had an official one in Geoff’s court. The King’s Troupe, with royal funding to travel around bringing plays and performances with Geoff’s approval to his people. Especially out in areas where they don’t get that, often. We could even come to your kingdom. Maybe. If you wanted.”

“I think my people would like that very much,” Ryan said - it was a brilliant idea, but he could see Gavin’s self-doubt creeping in.

“You’d approve it?”

“Of course!”

Gavin’s shoulders relaxed.

“Oh. Yay, then. I mean, it sounds silly, but I really think theatre… magic, _performance_ has some ability to change people. Don’t laugh - I spent two bloody years of my life pretending to be someone I wasn’t, and it… it messed with my head for a while, you know. But I found myself in Geoff’s court. Found a home, an _identity_ , found who I really want to be. And coming here helped me, too. Seeing your citizens - I felt a sense of… I guess purpose? It sounds horrendously cliched, I know-”

“It doesn’t,” Ryan cut in. “It’s nice. Really nice.”

Gavin smiled.

“I think you have one here, too,” he said, and gestured about the room. “Something _you_ love. Your science. Creations. You should share that with everyone, when you’re ready. I know the sorcery rumours are terrifying and work to your advantage, but _this_ \- how it all works - somehow I feel that maybe this might mean something to them, too. Help you in some way. Something to think about,” he added a little awkwardly when Ryan didn’t answer, and Ryan nodded quickly.

“No, I- you’re right. There’s a way to go until I’d feel safe doing it, but you’re right.”

Gavin smiled, and Ryan smiled back, tugging him close again.

“You’re just brimming with good ideas, aren’t you?” he said, and Gavin gave a bashful shrug. He looked up at Ryan again and swallowed.

“I didn’t say it before,” he said, “But I… I think I might love you, too.”

“You think?” Ryan couldn’t help teasing. “Do we need to test that theory?”

They both started giggling, and it was absurd but - they were both awkward, and damaged in their own ways, but as Ryan had said. It helped to _talk_ to someone, and it was nice for them both to admit it now, whatever happened, and feel the tension break as they realised that it was _fine_ , fine to trust, fine to _share it_.

They embraced again, and Ryan thought that perhaps this was perfect happiness. No secrets. No lies. Just himself - and knowing who that was for once. It was the globes and stars above him and the smell of parchment in the air - _knowledge_ \- and the safety of these secret walls, and Gavin in his arms.


End file.
